I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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