just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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