I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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