I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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