goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
