Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
