I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
