so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
