So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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