nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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