That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
