I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
