My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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