I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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