Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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