Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
