I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
