i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
