well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
