Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was born a porn star she said
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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