How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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