its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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