I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
