its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
