if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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