just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
