just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
