You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
