that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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