It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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