Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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