Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He? As in you personified your dick?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
