she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
