I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
