Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
