He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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