He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
