She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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