so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dear god my vagina.
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