So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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