I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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