I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
