Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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