my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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