Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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