Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How's work?
Spinning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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