piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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