so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
