I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
