he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
